American Riddles

Gender Roles and Friendship

In many countries a friend must be a person of one's own gender. Most Americans, though, believe it is possible to have friends of the opposite sex, and they do not generally assume that a male and female will participate in sexual activity if they are alone together. This is not to say that Americans see no sexual component in a male-female friendship, but that they believe the people involved are capable of showing the restraint and maturity necessary to avoid sexual interaction if sexual interaction is somehow inappropriate for the situation. Thus, male and female business colleagues might travel to a conference together without anyone assuming their relationship has a sexual component.

Relationships Prescribed by Roles

The anthropologist Edward T. Hall in The Silent Language (1959) has described the United States as a “low-context culture,” meaning that there are relatively few rules or guidelines to prescribe behavior in particular situations. In a “high-context culture,” such as those of Japan, the Middle East, and much of Latin America, there tend to be agreed-upon guidelines for behavior in many specific situations. For example, a proper young Latin American woman does not allow herself to be in the company of a man unless some responsible third party is present. That is the rule, and everyone knows it. In Japan rules govern who sits where in a meeting, who speaks first, and which specific words are to be voiced in specific circumstances. In a high- context culture there are rules for many situations. In the United States, however, there are far fewer situations in which people's behavior is governed by widely agreed-upon rules. Still, some roles generally entail certain expected behaviors. Such roles include customer, tenant, neighbor, and co-worker. While it is possible to observe regional and institutional variations in the behaviors described here, a few generalizations can be offered.

Customer. When shopping, dining out, or otherwise using the services of clerks, waiters, or other service people, Americans tend to show their respect for the ideals of equality and individual dignity. They treat clerks and others as more or less equal to themselves, not as people

they consider inferior.

Tenant. A tenant's responsibilities are normally made explicit in the lease, or rental contract, the tenant signs. These responsibilities--paying a specified amount of rent by a specified date and properly caring for whatever appliances and furnishings the landlord provides--are the only ones that the tenant owes the landlord. In effect, the landlord-tenant relationship is governed by the rule of law. The law in this case is the lease. Particular tenants and landlords sometimes develop more personal relationships, of course.

Neighbor. A general rule among neighbors is to “mind your own business,” that is, don't intrude in one another's lives. Some neighborhoods are more friendly than others, meaning that more people in the neighborhood know each other and that the neighbors socialize with each other. However friendly the neighborhood, there is generally an expectation among Americans that neighbors will assist each other in times of emergency or very pressing need. It is considered reasonable to ask a neighbor to “keep an eye” on a house or apartment that will be vacant temporarily, as during a vacation. Newcomers to a neighborhood often take the initiative in inviting neighbors for coffee, a pastry, and a get-acquainted conversation. Or they may themselves be invited by neighbors for such a visit. Neighbors in an apartment building may have virtually no interaction with each other.

Co-worker. In general, co-workers treat each other politely and with respect, regardless of their status vis-a-vis each other. The boss says “Good morning” in a pleasant voice to the secretary and the file clerk; the latter smile and say “Good morning” back. Co-workers help each other with job-related matters, and they try to avoid open expressions of displeasure or other negative feelings toward each other. Although co-workers do not feel obligated to develop close relationships, they generally do feel they should contribute to keeping the emotional tone of the

workplace pleasant for all who spend the day (or night) there. Many Americans feel that the workplace should have a kind of family atmosphere, even while this general atmosphere of polite friendliness can mask what might be a very hierarchical method of operating.

Courtesy and Gifts

Among Americans, being courteous has a number of elements:

* Acknowledging another person's presence or arrival, either verbally (if not with “hi!” then with “hello,” “good morning,” or some such greeting) or non-verbally, with a direct look, a nod, or a brief smile.

* Participating in at least a bit of small talk with people in whose presence one expects to be for more than a few minutes.

Gifts

According to Susan J. Szmania, Americans give gifts on a relatively small number of occasions and to a relatively small circle of people. Since offering gifts to people who do not expect them can be mutually embarrassing and can even lead to the suspicion that the gift giver is seeking to influence the recipient in an inappropriate way. Generally, Americans give gifts to relatives and close friends. Frequently they give gifts (flowers, wine, or candy are common) to hosts or hostesses. They do not normally give gifts to teachers (except perhaps elementary school teachers, who sometimes receive gifts from children in their classes), business colleagues, or other people who might be in a position to grant or withhold favorable treatment (such as a good grade in a class or a contract for a sale). In fact, giving gifts to people who are in a position to grant or withhold favors can be construed as an improper attempt to gain favor. Many states have laws strictly limiting the value of gifts that public employees can accept.

Christmas comes close to being a national gift-giving day in the United States. Except for adherents of non-Christian religions, Americans exchange Christmas gifts with relatives, schoolmates, and close friends. Other popular gift-giving occasions include birthdays, graduations, weddings, and childbirths. Some people give gifts on Mother's Day, Father's Day, and Valentine's Day. A “house-warming” gift is sometimes given to people who have moved into a new home. Americans commonly send a Christmas card to their friends, acquaintances, more-distant family members, and sometimes to business colleagues as well. Those who follow a non-Christian religion may send a holiday card to convey “season's greetings” or some such nonsectarian message.

People's behavior in public places, like their behavior anywhere else, is subject to cultural influence. Aspects of communicative style of Americans are evident when they are out in public.

Rules for Behavior in Public Places

Wherever groups of people are going in two opposite directions, Americans stay on the right side. This enables them to pass each other without physical contact and to progress as quickly as possible. Americans' general aversion to touching others and being touched is clearly evident in public places. Americans will rarely crowd onto a bus, train, or other public conveyance the way that Japanese and Mexicans are famous for doing. They will simply avoid situations where extensive and prolonged physical contact with strangers is inevitable. Pushing one's way through a crowd is considered quite rude.

When in a situation where physical contact is unavoidable, Americans will typically try to draw in their shoulders and arms so as to minimize the amount of space they occupy. They will tolerate contact on the outsides of their arms when their arms are hanging straight down from their shoulders, but contact with other parts of the body makes them extremely anxious. When they are in a crowded situation, such as a full elevator (“lift”) or bus, they will generally stop talking or will talk only in very low voices. Their discomfort is easy to see. In cases where they bump into another person or otherwise touch the other person inadvertently, Americans will quickly draw away and usually apologize, making clear that the touch was accidental.

CONCLUSION

It would be pertinent to end this paper in the words of Edward Sapir who said: “Language [is] a symbolic guide to culture. Vocabulary is a very sensitive index of the culture of a people. Linguistics is of strategic importance for the methodology of social science.”

More than sixty years on, Sapir's profound insights have lost none of their validity or importance. There is a very close link between the life of a society and the lexicon of the language spoken by it. This applies in equal measure to the outer and inner aspects of life. An obvious example from the material, visible domain is that of social relationships. The existence of different customs and social institutions which have specific names in one language but not in others is also widely known. Most important, what applies to material culture and to social rituals and institutions applies also to people's values, ideals, and attitudes and to their ways of thinking about the world and our life in it. Thus, in a sense, words with special, culture-specific meanings reflect and pass on not only ways of living characteristic of a given society but also ways of thinking. Similarly, the outlook of an individual is never fully "determined" by the conceptual tools provided by his or her native language, partly because there are always alternative ways of expressing oneself. But a person's conceptual perspective on life is clearly influenced by his or her native language. American language is about its culture, it is about America way of life, its style and American values of individualism, “popular culture” and consumerism. Multiple media represent and participate in a continual recreation of American language and language practices changing and refreshing it every day.

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